To fall back in love with someone from my past. What we had was truly a roller coaster ride...I have so many stories, I can write a friggin novel. I broke it off with her in Sept. 2008 and the last time I can remember talking to her was in Feb. 2009. Up until now, I haven't heard from her in almost a year. I have to admit, during our time apart...and I hate to say this...but it felt like I damn near went crazy for a little while. She was definitely my first big love. For almost two years, I spoke to her everyday...we shared secrets...we shared dreams...she was right beside me when I almost died from a car accident...and to wake up one day and realize that your best friend is no longer in your life crushed my soul.
As a result of our break up, I actually quit smoking for awhile! I was so depressed beyond words. I didn't want to be apart of anything. All I wanted to do was eat and gamble. I went through tons of mixed feelings...I blamed myself...I wanted to cry every fucking second. I couldn't comprehend why...the one I loved so much could hurt me like this. I always told myself that I was gonna take it one day at a time. So, I started working out...I eventually started dating again. Little by little, I picked up the pieces and eventually got my life back in order. I quit being mad at the world...and took the situation for what it was and learned from it. I finally felt that I broke free from her grip!
So out of NOWHERE, I get a text from her telling me to call. We talked for a little. Then we took the convo to Yahoo IM. We really had a great talk! Great in the sense that, I said alot that I needed to say. I said what I kept hidden within my heart for the past year. It became very emotional for me as I cried behind my computer.As much bullshit she put me through...apart of me was sooooooooooooo happy that she came back into my life. I couldn't help but remember how in love we were...and wondered if we could ever get that shit back to the way it was. You know, the happiest I ever been was when me and her were together. So I didn't push her away like a bittered ex lover. Instead, I embraced the fact that she had the guts to reach out to me. If anything, she's probably missed me as much as I missed her. We agreed that if we could fall in love again this time around, we'd dive in head first. No running away, no more games. And we agreed to start all over again.Sounds like...the best reconciliation story EVER! Sure it does. But it still feels like...I'm unsure. Yeah I love her...and I would give anything to have a second chance at love. But do I really want to risk going through what I went through again? It was bad guys...really bad. I keep telling myself no...but I loved this person more than anything at one point in my life. So yes. I'm going to give it a chance. But...I'd be lying if I didn't say I was scared.
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